Devastated.

The loss of a child is something I cannot wrap my brain around.  Knowing that it was their choice to end their life, would do nothing short of kill me.  I know loss happens, I know many who have lost children.  I have lost a lot of people actually but doubt it compares at all to this.  Last year, hearing about the twelfth person I knew passing within a year I was left numb, without even tears left.  But my baby, losing him would absolutely end me.

My son is facing a very grown-up situation.  A friend of his was in such pain, the depths of sadness so immense, that he felt his only way out was to take his life.  They are still babies, dealing with this very hard situation no adult is even equipped for.

I held him, I cried with him.  I researched "how to handle..." while he slept.  We talked.  I was relieved when he wanted to go to youth group to be with their friends.  Together they started this grieving process.  As he walked away to go in, I broke down.  Unable to imagine this situation that was now a very real reality.

I am writing this without an end.  I do not know how to finish it, honestly.  I am at a loss.

The empathy within me is launching out love and praying for peace for the hearts and minds of all involved.  The rational side is begging anyone who feels this lost, this alone to reach out.  There are people who care and people that will help.

I am not a professional, but I am human and I believe in all of us.  If you don't know where to start go online: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ , call 800-273-8255 24/7, or text 741741.  Survival is possible.

Love,

T