On being there.

On being there.
When we are struggling we usually want help, even know we need it, but rarely ask. The truth is that we must turn and face it in order to heal. The work is heavy and immense and often abandoned because it feels too hard. We are the only ones that can do the work, but we do need support. A few suggestions if someone reaches out for help, a what not to say, if you will;
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“Everything happens for a reason.” Just don’t. None of it makes sense in the moment of pain and trying to just make it better doesn’t help. Giving meaning to pain helps it make sense once in reflection, not in the moment of suffering... it’s like salt in the wound. Let them figure out their own understanding and meaning on their time.
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A “You should...” you cannot fix, just be there. And, unless you’re a professional or have done a lot healing work you could be wrong which could cause more harm. Don’t should on me, please.
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“Well, at least...” should be obvious but this only amplifies the struggle by comparison. It’s dismissive and even if it’s coming from a good place, minimizes what we are allowed to feel, and no one should judge what another feels.
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When we struggle we usually just need support. We need friends to lean on. Not judgment, not someone pointing out a lesson as if we are children.
It’s not easy to know what to say, I get that, but if you aren’t sure maybe just be there or ask what they need.
When we are ready to talk or open up we will, to those who feel safe. Those who’ve not done the above. To those who simple say, “I’m here, I love you, let me know if/how I can help.” Just show up and hold space in the vulnerability.
Your ability to hold my hand and let me work through it on my own let’s me trust in myself. It amplifies strength without forcing it to be any other way, than what I need.
Be kind. Be love. Sending you light and peace.
XO
T